In the Life of a Waddle Dee
by Mazzyandmilk
Summary: I'm DeDe. I'm going to dazzle you with my life story. It'll be exciting. I promise you. Kirby that pink puffball , if you're reading this, I just wanna say... I hate you. Rated T for violence.
1. My Life

Being a Waddle Dee is peaceful, right?

Not if you're in Dream Land.

You're always being bossed around by... who was that scamp's name again? King Dededo? Dedodede? Dedede? I think that's it. If he can't be bothered to remember our names, then I can't be bothered to remember his.

Oh yeah. My name is DeDe, though most of the other soldiers call me Dee. I like them. They actually bother to remember my name. There are a few that are notable.

Red, one of the minor Waddle Dees in our division. It's weird, because he isn't actually red. He's neon orange. I'd say he's the most terrifying of the Dees in the army. He always wears a black crown, and uses it to his advantage. The enemies (Mainly those things… Kirbies?) stare in awe, and they're open to attack. He was just promoted to be able to use a small knife to throw! Oh joy!

Whammy, one of the higher Waddle Dees in our division. He doesn't allow us to know his real name, so we call him Whammy. He's green (weird, I know) and he wears a red cape. Being one of the highest Waddle Dees in our division, he is allowed to use a variety of weapons. Namely, a battleaxe. I'm jealous of that guy, because I'm only allowed to use a few weapons. I use a trident. You'd think that a trident would be one of the best weapons. You're thinking wrong. You see, every low Waddle Dee known started to use a trident. To cut down on the costs of making them, they started to produce wooden tridents only. But then, the higher Dees started revolting, and they were given metal ones. But, we had to keep using the wooden ones!

You'd probably say "Use a different weapon then!"

Well, I'm three promotions up to the spear, and then they're only wood too. I've only got three weapons. A small stone knife, a blunt shortsword (I used that so much. It's actually made of iron. But of course, they wouldn't give me another made out of a metal.) and finally, a leather whip. Why don't I use that? It's because it's also broken.

So, I had two choices. Use a weak almost blunt trident, or use a tiny knife, only roped together. I'd go with the former.

And finally there's Squishy, my brother. He was named after those white squid things you sometimes see in the ocean. He's the same rank as me, and his sword is in perfect shape. I keep hassling him to trade it for both my weapons, but he always denies, saying it's "vintage". It's because he was ranked up only a few days ago. Plus, he also got a wooden shield to protect himself with, because he apparently "worked so hard!" I swear, every time I talk to him, before I even mention trading the sword, he boasts about how he's going to get promoted. It's getting damn annoying! He's so annoying; I plan to kill him some day!

When we're not going on expeditions to steal, er, liberate treasure from different places, me and my mates are chilling in the castle. It's not easy, with all that racket, and a fight in the bathroom every five minutes or so. Someone always needs to go to the hospital, and you cannot believe what happens when the hurt Dee sues his fighter… I dread even thinking of it…

Anyway, after that fairly long introduction, I bring you to an epic novel… the greatest ever!

It will wow you!

You will be dazzled!

You will enter a new stage of infat—let's get on with it.

**In the Life of a Waddle Dee**


	2. Chips and the Expedition

**Chapter Two**

"Wake up!" sounded a voice.

Then it was undoubtedly silent.

"WAKE UP!" bellowed a voice.

I opened my eyes. I was facing the new general. He wore a green military commander hat.

"**DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO SHOUT AT YOU? YOU'RE SUCH A HEAVY SLEEPER! YOU. HAVE. NO. FUTURE!**"

I wiped the spit off my face, and jumped off my mattress. Every Waddle Dee in my dorm was staring at me. Even Red was looking at me in a weird way.

I walked over to him, and whispered into his ear.

"Dude, why is the new general Chips a Chip?"

"I dunno. He's mighty intimidating, though."

"**I DON'T WANT ANY SCRUFF FROM YOU TWO HOOLIGANS. UNDERSTAND?**" Chips the Chip ( wiki/Chip) stared at us with a red glow in his eyes. He bounced off, out of the dorm. All of us were dizzy. Chips' shouting is evil. I mean, where does he get it from? His mother?

I grabbed my trident off my mattress, and followed the horde of Dees trailing out of the dorm. I was walking next to Red.

"Chips is crazy." I said.

"Yup."

As we walked down to the main hall, Chips got onto a high chair. He stared down at all the creatures that somehow got twiddled into joining Dedede's forces.

"Alright." Chips glanced at all of us. We were all talking, except for Whammy of course.

Whammy was staring at Chips like a model student. Chips intimidated all of us, but he seemed to be freaked out by Whammy's constant model student-ing.

I saw Squishy creeping over to me. Just when he was about to brag about one of his weapons, Chips went into full anger mode.

"**WELL, SO YOU IDIOTS THINK YOU CAN GET SCOT OFF FREE BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING? WELL THAT WON'T WORK BECAUSE I'M THE BOSS OF OUR DIVISION NOW AND YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY!"**

There was complete and utter silence. I heard the audible drop of a pencil. It was THAT quiet. Seriously.

"Today, we're going into Green Greens.** IF I SEE ANY OF YOU PUNKS GOOFIN' OFF, THEN I WILL BOOT YOU BACK DOWN TO THE FIRST RANK. GOT IT?**"

There was silence again.

"**I SAID, GOT IT?**"

Everyone except me nodded nervously. Chips saw me. By the way he was staring at me; I might as well throw away my trident. It'll probably get taken away anyway.

So, we set off. I was still shaken up by Chips. Red was most likely shaken up too, although he didn't show it.

"Dude, Chips is gonna seriously kill you now." By the fear I sensed in Red's voice, I seriously knew that I was doomed.

"Here. Take this." I gave Red my trident. I wouldn't need it now. After all, I'm gonna be booted down to rank one, so it'll get taken away anyway.

I sensed the trouble I would get in if I gave Red my trident. Yet, I did it anyway. That's what mates do.

"Wow. Really?" Red grinned… with his invisible mouth.

"Yeah."

We walked on. I had forgotten to bring my knife. If I were to be thrown out into Jam Jungle, I wouldn't be prepared again something like a wild Snooty. Boy, do I hate those guys.

I mean, they eat you. They spit you out. If you attack them, they turn red and ram into you. If you run away, they follow you. Plus, they show no mercy. They'll happily devour you if it means getting food. And getting eaten by a Snooty is a good way to decrease your reputation.

We finally reached Green Greens. Chips stepped up onto a high stone slab.

"Before we explore this area…" Chips started. "I just want to give a shout out to a particular person…"

I hid behind Red. I knew what was coming.

"DeDe… Come up, and show how great you are by showing yourself off against the wild monsters in Jam Jungle…"

I had already disappeared. Red was scratching his head.

* * *

It looked like Chips' power had gone into his head. He had already sent all of the division to find me. And here I was, joined by Red, in Yogurt Yard. We were residing in a cave. Somehow, he had traced me down.

"It's cold…" I winced.

"Yeah… but it's better than being chewed out by Chips…" Red replied, shivering.

I looked out of the cave. Two Gaw Gaws ( wiki/Gaw_Gaw) were climbing up the mountain, their sharp claws digging into the rock. I shifted back into the cave.

"Two Gaw Gaws are coming up." I whispered, sweating heavily.

"Don't worry. We'll end them when they climb up."

"If Chips finds out that we've killed two of his comrades he'll kill us!"

"Forget about Chips. We've ran away. We can live in this cave."

"But…"

"No." Red covered my (invisible) mouth. "There's lots of watermelon trees around here."

"Watermelon…wha?"

By that time, the Gaw Gaws had come up the mountain. I drawed my knife, and Red got his trident.

"Dude, there's two." One said.

"Don't care. Must kill." The other said.

One of them leaped at me, scraping down at me, sending me to the floor. Red threw his trident, smashing the Gaw Gaw in the face. While he was stunned, he ran up to him, and socked him round the face. The Gaw Gaw ended up falling down the mountain.

"Dude. The hell you doin'?" the remaining Gaw Gaw said.

"Protecting my friend." Red shouted. He ran up to the Gaw Gaw, who dodged his attack, and kicked him in the head.

Red lay still.

I was still trying to cope I was clawed in the face. I faceplanted to the ground, as the Gaw Gaw looked down at me, laughing.

"Not so tough now, are ya?"

**I blacked out.**


	3. At Court, At Halcranda

**Chapter 3**

I opened one eye. I was sitting on a chair. I realised I was in a court.

"Whaa..." I said…

I looked over. I saw a giant Nruff in a judges' robe. He was also wearing a powdered wig.

He looked over at me, glaring. "You have committed crimes against our people in Dream Land and the surrounding areas."

"Firstly… You gave the plaintiff Red, a trident."

"Red? You're…" I screamed in horror!

"I'm sorry, dude! They forced me!" he replied.

"There must be some other way—"

"**SILENCE!**" the Nruff judge shouted. "Do not speak!"

He continued. "DeDe, you have been charged on several occasions. This means that your appeal, if you choose to give one, will not be taken lightly."

"All I did was give Red a trident—"

"**SILENCE!**" he shouted. "**YOU HAVE ADMITTED GUILT!**"

Red looked at me, and gave me a thumbs down.

"Oh shut up, Red!"

"The case is closed. The defendant has admitted guilt. That is all."

The watchers* of the case stood up, and began to walk out of the door. Whammy was in the crowds. He got up last, and winked at me.

* * *

I was being taken down to Castle DeDeDe. The big fat flopper was absent as usual. The quacking Gaw Gaw who took me to that quacking general Chips looked at me. He quacking smiled at me. I'll quacking get him when I get my chance. There was no chance of me getting un-binded** by these guards. They were armed with spears, and were quite big for their size, being twice as big as me.

I was walked all over the castle, when they finally got to the underground dungeon. They lifted me up, opened the door, and threw me into the cell. Literally.

I coughed. Do you know why? It was dusty in there.

* * *

Red must've been killed or something; because it took him FIVE hours to bail me out!

"_Oooooh." He was all like. "I'm so stupid so oi'll baeil yoo out later when I could hove been wheeped… o no I'll wait steel"_

Then he came.

"_Heyyyy you ideoit how did you get inteor zeis situashion hey DeDe hey"_

I replied with a simple "_Well, since I'm so awesome, I was radiating too much Awesomeso waste. I had to be locked up to stop other people from being awesome like me._"

So we had a chat, and then he bailed me out. USING MY TRIDENT. Man, that trident landed me in the slammer. Couldn't he at least give it back to me? Seriously.

We managed to get out of Castle IdiotIdiotIdiot, before the guards caught us—

"**WAIL!** **OOF! STOP IT!**"

I was hearing Red's cries for help, when he was being whipped. Boy, there must be blood all over his…

"Come with me." A voice sounded.

There was a weird looking Waddle Dee beside me. I'll have to describe it…

It had a silky armour thing all over his body, but his eyes were orange. Its skin appeared to be black. His hands were covered by yellow gloves. It had Waddle Dee-like feet.

Anyway, back to the point. This weird Dee thing had found me behind the castle.

"Who are you?" I asked, confused.

"That does not matter. Come." He took me by the hand, and into the castle.

"THE GUARDS WILL BE—"

"Shh." The thing covered my mouth, and took me to the dorms.

* * *

"You come from where?" I was confused.

"Halcranda."

"And what are you?"

"A Halcrandan Dee."

I stepped back. Wait, there was another planet in this battle-to-the-doom universe?

"Why are you here?"

"You're the chosen one."

I stared at it.

"I am Hallab, Halcranda's messenger, and recruiter. And for your information, I'm a girl."

"There are female Dees? I didn't know." I replied.

"Enough of your cheek."

"I really didn't know."

Hallab stepped back. She continued on. "You are the chosen hero to save Halcranda."

"Can't I check on my friend Red first—"

"No."

So by the end of the day, I'd be rocketed off to an alien planet. Great.

Well, at least I'd be free from the guards.

_Sorry for the shorter chapter. I try to make every chapter at least 900 words._

_SPOILER ALERT_

_Red doesn't actually stay at the planet and serve his destiny as the 'chosen one'._

_*I don't know the name for them.  
_

_**I'll make my own words up.  
_


End file.
